The past week has been one filled with tears and regret. The past few weeks I started to notice my vision was getting very blurry. At first, I just thought it was because I was tired or my hormones were going crazy. As it got worse I began to get nervous while driving. I decided to go see my friend, Luke, who is an Optometrist. I went to see him last Tuesday and he suggested that I check my glucose levels because he felt like that was what was wrong. That night I checked it and it kept measuring high. After about 3 times I got Nick to check his... it said 88. So I knew my meter was working. I then got online and looked up my meter to see what the high reading stood for. It meant that it was over 600. This was pretty alarming because I knew that 300 was dangerous. I called my sister (who I always call when I have a medical question). She told me that she thought I should go to the emergency room or an after hours clinic. I decided that if it had been going on for two weeks then one more night couldn't hurt and I would go to the doctor first thing the next morning. I went Wed. morning, the 13th, to Dr. Green. He met with me for a while and couldn't quite understand how my glucose went from being moderately high, on my last glucose tollerance test, to dangerously high now. He ran a bunch of bloodwork and said I needed to see an endocrinologist ASAP. It usually takes a few months to get in but they fit me in that afternoon. That afternoon I went to the Baton Rouge Clinic. I met with a nurse practitioner and a doctor. The NP talked to me for an hour-and-a-half. I was told that I have type 1 diabetes. For the rest of my life I will be insulin dependent. Every meal, snack, anything will be preceded by a shot of insulin. She set me up with an appt. to see a dietician and a nurse educator (again). She said they would not put me in the hospital because of my gestational diabetes. She knew I could give myself shots and test my sugar and felt that I could do it outpatient. Thank goodness! She was one of the sweetest nurses I have ever met. She explained that I must learn advanced carb counting. I cried many times through the appt. and she was extremely patient and understanding. It took about a day for it to seriously sink in. I cried almost the entire next day and felt so sorry for myself. I just kept thinking of all the scenerios in my lifetime where I will be forced to carry insulin around and give myself shots. How was it that me, a person who about a year ago would avoid shots at ALL costs, would now be forced to do it numerous times a day for the rest of my life. It is still hard for me to accept. When I had GD I knew there was a timeline. I was told over and over again that it would go away once I delivered Grant. And I thought it did. I now know that that was a time that they call "the honeymoon period" where your bady will still produce some amount of insulin. I asked her if there were any alternatives to the shots. No. Will I have to take a shot for EVERYTHING I eat? yes. Is it forever? yes. But I am doing it. And I will take care of myself as best as I can. One day at a time.
So, as I am in the midst of all this self-pittying I get the worst possible news anyone can get. My assistant principal, who I adored, lost her battle against cancer. She was diagnosed at the end of January. She fought hard and with so much grace. I have never witnessed so much courage in the face of something as nasty and destructive as cancer. She was an absolutely beautiful woman inside and out who taught me how to be a better teacher and person. She was known to keep everyone on their toes- very organized and driven. She never really took "no" for an answer and always sought a solution to a problem instead of wasting time complaining. I miss our talks that we had. Once she said that I reminded her of herself at my age which to me felt like a huge compliment. She was very intelligent and caring. I looked up to her so much. I can still picture her walking the halls with a huge smile on her face. It breaks my heart for her family and all of the people who loved her dearly, so many of us did. How can someone so full of life be taken so quickly? I will never forget her smile, positive attitude, and courage. She is my hero. It is because of her that I know if she could battle through cancer with her head held high, surely I can deal with this significantly smaller obstacle that I am facing. Please pray for her beautiful family. Heaven has a new angel.
Isn't it odd how death can put things in perspective? It sad that it takes something so horrible to remind me what matters most in life.
Carpe Diem.
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