If

If

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too:
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or, being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise;

If you can dream---and not make dreams your master;
If you can think---and not make thoughts your aim,
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same:.
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build'em up with worn-out tools;

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings,
And never breathe a word about your loss:
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on!"

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with Kings---nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much:
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And---which is more---you'll be a Man, my son!

Rudyard Kipling

Not the best of times

The past week has been one filled with tears and regret. The past few weeks I started to notice my vision was getting very blurry. At first, I just thought it was because I was tired or my hormones were going crazy. As it got worse I began to get nervous while driving. I decided to go see my friend, Luke, who is an Optometrist. I went to see him last Tuesday and he suggested that I check my glucose levels because he felt like that was what was wrong. That night I checked it and it kept measuring high. After about 3 times I got Nick to check his... it said 88. So I knew my meter was working. I then got online and looked up my meter to see what the high reading stood for. It meant that it was over 600. This was pretty alarming because I knew that 300 was dangerous. I called my sister (who I always call when I have a medical question). She told me that she thought I should go to the emergency room or an after hours clinic. I decided that if it had been going on for two weeks then one more night couldn't hurt and I would go to the doctor first thing the next morning. I went Wed. morning, the 13th, to Dr. Green. He met with me for a while and couldn't quite understand how my glucose went from being moderately high, on my last glucose tollerance test, to dangerously high now. He ran a bunch of bloodwork and said I needed to see an endocrinologist ASAP. It usually takes a few months to get in but they fit me in that afternoon. That afternoon I went to the Baton Rouge Clinic. I met with a nurse practitioner and a doctor. The NP talked to me for an hour-and-a-half. I was told that I have type 1 diabetes. For the rest of my life I will be insulin dependent. Every meal, snack, anything will be preceded by a shot of insulin. She set me up with an appt. to see a dietician and a nurse educator (again). She said they would not put me in the hospital because of my gestational diabetes. She knew I could give myself shots and test my sugar and felt that I could do it outpatient. Thank goodness! She was one of the sweetest nurses I have ever met. She explained that I must learn advanced carb counting. I cried many times through the appt. and she was extremely patient and understanding. It took about a day for it to seriously sink in. I cried almost the entire next day and felt so sorry for myself. I just kept thinking of all the scenerios in my lifetime where I will be forced to carry insulin around and give myself shots. How was it that me, a person who about a year ago would avoid shots at ALL costs, would now be forced to do it numerous times a day for the rest of my life. It is still hard for me to accept. When I had GD I knew there was a timeline. I was told over and over again that it would go away once I delivered Grant. And I thought it did. I now know that that was a time that they call "the honeymoon period" where your bady will still produce some amount of insulin. I asked her if there were any alternatives to the shots. No. Will I have to take a shot for EVERYTHING I eat? yes. Is it forever? yes. But I am doing it. And I will take care of myself as best as I can. One day at a time.

So, as I am in the midst of all this self-pittying I get the worst possible news anyone can get. My assistant principal, who I adored, lost her battle against cancer. She was diagnosed at the end of January. She fought hard and with so much grace. I have never witnessed so much courage in the face of something as nasty and destructive as cancer. She was an absolutely beautiful woman inside and out who taught me how to be a better teacher and person. She was known to keep everyone on their toes- very organized and driven. She never really took "no" for an answer and always sought a solution to a problem instead of wasting time complaining. I miss our talks that we had. Once she said that I reminded her of herself at my age which to me felt like a huge compliment. She was very intelligent and caring. I looked up to her so much. I can still picture her walking the halls with a huge smile on her face. It breaks my heart for her family and all of the people who loved her dearly, so many of us did. How can someone so full of life be taken so quickly? I will never forget her smile, positive attitude, and courage. She is my hero. It is because of her that I know if she could battle through cancer with her head held high, surely I can deal with this significantly smaller obstacle that I am facing. Please pray for her beautiful family. Heaven has a new angel.

Isn't it odd how death can put things in perspective? It sad that it takes something so horrible to remind me what matters most in life.

Carpe Diem.

Carpe Diem

As exhausted as I am I can't help but blog tonight. This is like my virtual diary. Nick says I put way too much on-line, but I feel like if I don't blog about it I will forget it. I look back at blogs from years ago and smile because it totally takes me back to different times in my life. And boy, an I different!

To start off... Jenn and her family came down this passed weekend. We spent pretty much the entire weekend taking pictures of all of our babies, eating crawfish and going tfor our traditional beignet Sunday at Coffee Call. :) Good times. I remember sitting at my house during the crawfish boil, looking around at all of our offspring and thinking to myself how much life has changed. It reminds me of one of my favorite quotes : "It's funny how from day to day it seems like nothing changes. But, when you look back, nothing is the same." So true. I love my family so much. We may not get along all the time but my sisters are my best friends , my nieces and nephew have my heart, and I would do absolutely anything for my parents. Thank God for Family!

This is my first week back at work. I cried a little before leaving the house but it wasn't as heartbreaking as I anticipated. I guess it is because I know he is in good hands with mom. After all, she did ok with me? :) I thought about him all day and wondered if he missed me or if he even knew that I was gone. The kids at school missed me. I got lots of messages and letter from parents saying they missed me also. This made me feel so good. I had been researching "whole brain teaching" for w little while. Mrs. Martinez, our amazing assistant principal, told us about it. I must say, I am so glad I started this. The kids LOVE it, I have 100% participation in class, they seem to be grasping the info better, and I am truly having fun at work. I almost have a new outlook when it comes to teaching. I know we are still in our honeymoon period but I hope it continues. I am absolutely loving my job and so thankful to have a job that I love.

Grant is doing well. He is slowly sleeping more and eating more. We think he is just perfect and we are soooo thankful to mom for watching him. He weighs about 15 pounds, smiles when he wants to, and loves pictures (I taped some to the changing tower so that when he looks up he sees them). He literally stares at the pictures and smiles. It is SOOO cute! :)

Also, our new sofa and cocktail table came in. Hoping it stays looking so pretty. yes, we know we are crazy for getting a light color... but at least it will look good for the next five years! (protection plan) :D

Just a few hilarious quotes from my off-the-wall family tonight:

My dad: "Linda, if your dog draws blood from my f@&$)"$ toe I'm going to KILL him! You're his mother, why doesn't he eat YOUR toe!!!" lol

Sara: Jessie my leg hurts, can you turn on the heater?

Kali to Sara: Sara, Do you want me to call the drama queen police?

Mom: "Sara, where did you put my cell phone?"

Sara: I threw it in your purse!"

Mom: digging through her purse, "Sara, it's not in here."

Sara: Well, you'll just have to search the house then granny!

And tonight, totally random, my thoughts are with my assistant principal that is very sick and whom I miss so much. It was very hard returning to work and not seeing her smiling face. I am thinking about something she said at the end of the school year last year that is now ironic to me....Carpe Diem, or, seize the day. We really don't know how many days we have so live your life beautifully and with lots of love.

My bed is calling...

sleeeeeep!

Well, I am happy to say that Grant had a great night last night. He had one good night about a week ago and a string of bad nights but last night was the best yet! We fed him at about 7 and put him to sleep. He woke up at 12:30 to eat then slept until 5:30. I went in a got him and he immediately fell asleep in my arms. I held him for about 30 minutes and put him down thinking that he was going to wake right up.... well he didn't. He slept until 7:00. woo hoo. We are making some progress..

hes screaming now, gotta go!

Compromises

Nick has always complained about our living room set. We bought our sofas about 4 years ago when we moved to Florida. When we moved back they fit nicely into our house and matched well. I bought this rug.... I don't know how to describe it... it's a little retro I guess. It's brown with fall looking flowers on it. I love it. and I used this very old green distressed trunk that I got from my mom for our coffee table (it was my great or great-great-grandmothers- not sure?). I am obsessed with the trunk. It is definitely my favorite piece of furniture in myhouse... and Nick HATES the trunk. He thinks it takes up too much space and he hated that ourrecliningleather chair doesn't fit in here. It currently lives in the garage with the other mis-matched furniture. I finally gave in and agreed to get new furniture even though there is nothing wrong with what we have. I am just tired of hearing Nick complain about it. We originally set out to buy a leather sectional with a recliner built in. This was his wish list. We went to about six furniture stores and I couldn't find anything we could agree on. Nick and I have VERY different taste in furniture (he decorated the extra garage). We ended upgetting the exact opposite of what we went shopping for, but it is a sectional. a fabric sectional with a funky little corner.... it's A-mazing! Very comfortable and very well made. It was a little pricier than we wanted but he said I could get it if we replaced the trunk for a round cocktail table. It is copper with distressed wood and ironwork... I talked myself into getting it and I think it will look great. I am VERY sad about not having the trunk in the living room but I will make a place for it somewhere else. :( Didn't tell Nick that of course! lol So, moral of the story... Compromise is a great thing. I gave a little and still ended up getting what I wanted... :) I will let Nick stick to decorating the yard and garage with all the beer clocks and LSU posters his heart desires. The sofa and table get delivered next Tuesday. It's a bit bittersweet. I go back to work next week, so I have something to look forward to andsomething I am absolutely dreading.

I am sure going back to work won't be as bad as I am imagining it being. It just breaks my heart to leave Grant! They are only little once. At least I had 12 weeks with him and we get off early enough to spend time with him after work. Poor Nick gets home so late I feel like he hardly sees him. I hate that.

Speaking of the bebe... He is doing well! He went almost 9 hours between feedings the other day. I think it is because he was held and played with all day and wore out at the party. Emma got her first communion and we spent all day and into the night at his sisters house. They put all the kids to bed and we had Deuce juice ;) and caught up. Oh, how I miss the days when we could do that often, he really has such a great family. Anyways, back to Grant :) He weighs about 14.5 pounds now but really doesn't look that big. He smiles at me a lot and loves his papa's voice too. He finally started tracking things which made me feel better.He brightens my day with every smirk. Nick and I just love him so much! Even when he doesn't like to sleep.:)The past few months have gone by so fast, before we know it he won't be a baby anymore. I have been trying to video as much as possible. I am just so worried I will forget what he was like when he was this little. Enjoying every day, making memories, and loving life.

Here are a few videos and pictures of life lately:

Trying to get Grant to sleep:

Trying to roll over- mean mommy!

Just playing around

Sara-isms

Ok, so Sara always cracks me up but I forget what she says. Today before leaving Jordin said she asked my mom to pick her out some clothes, and they better be tight pants!lol

Nick walks in the house from work and she yells, "Hey uncle nick, how was your day? You look HANDSOME!" It was so funny!

Me: Sara quit throwing grapes in the air!

Sara: but I only did it three times, can't I just do it again?

Jordin went to church with Sara, when they were leaving she tells the pastor "You did real good on stage".

Dad was looking all over the house for his remote control. Mom told him to ask Sara because she always takes his stuff. Dad said, "Sara, do you know where paw paw's remote its?" She walked him to the play room and pointed to the huge dollhouse and said, "I put it somewhere where you could find it."

I will keep adding to the list... lol

Grant 8 WEEKS!!!